A change of plans?

Struggling to stay positive....

Haven't heard from the zoo in regards to my most recent application.  What is the deal?  How come they can't realize that I would be a great keeper?  That I AM a great keeper? How many other people are applying, and how are they beating me to the top?  I just had a bit of a breakdown in front of Paul.  I don't think he knows what to tell me.  I know he feels bad- I left Texas not because I was ready, but because he couldn't stand it any longer.  I had an amazing job w/ amazing animals and people working alongside me who believed in the same things as me.  I missed my family, but everyday I left work feeling accomplished and loving what I do. 

Now I work at a vet hospital.  I work up front, dealing w/ people not animals.  Sure, I get to interact w/ cats and dogs, and feel good that I am part of a team that helps them recover from sickness, or prevent it from happening in the future.  And a lot of the people I work w/ are smart, and fun, and really enjoy what they are doing.  Me?  I am in the in between stage.  I used to have a great job, hoping to have it again, but right now just earning a paycheck.  SOMETHING has to give.  And believe me, I am not proud of the self pity I am projecting right now.  But I am ANGRY. 

So what now?  Do I back down, stop applying, give up?  Is it even "giving up", or is it maybe just realizing that I need to adjust my goals?  I'm not sure.  All I know is that I am ready for something more.  And I am tired of being rejected.  I really thought persistence was going to win.  A year later, I am wondering how long I can keep this up without heading a different direction just to keep some sanity. 

Okay, I am stopping the vent now.  If anyone has any thoughts or suggestions, I welcome them.  Even if you want to tell me to suck it up, I would appreciate some outside views....

Daddy Tells Jo a Story

Last night the kids had a friend spend the night.  They were playing downstairs and when I went to check on them, and found Jo putting something small up one of her nostrils.  Looking closely, I realized it was a coffee bean.  Now, obviously my motherly duty compelled me to tell her not to put anything up her nose.  But I knew this wasn't my forte, if you will, so I took Jo's hand and walked her upstairs.  I led her into the office, where Paul was reading his magazine. 
"I would like you to tell your daughter a story," I requested.  "One about putting objects up your nose."
I walked away and let Paul take over.  This is one subject Paul has experience with, and he dealt with it in all seriousness.  He told Jo about his own experience, putting a raisen up his nose when he was about 4 or 5.  Well, the raisen expanded, and Paul ended up in the ER to get it removed.
"It was VERY ouchy," Paul explained.
"VERY?" Jocey asked, uncertain.
"Yes.  You don't EVER want to put anything up your nose, trust me," Paul replied.
Meanwhile, I was in the living room, trying not to giggle.  Don't get me wrong, I realize that it really is a  serious topic, but I was very amused with Paul's story.  If he only knew that when he was a father, his experience would be relayed to another curious little one who was wondering what would happen if this little object goes up my nose...

A hard job?

Some people have asked me how I do my job.  Is it depressing?  Is it hard to watch so many pets die?  How do you do it?  To be honest I am pretty good at looking past the sadness, and realizing that this is a job that needs to be done.  Someone has to be there to help pet owners make the decision to say good bye, and I get to be the one to tie up the loose ends.  Yeah, it sucks sometimes.  Last week I came in and after only an hour I had seen three euthanasias.  Some days are just like that. Other days I get to say hello to energetic puppies with smiling owners that are looking forward to a bright future for their pet. There is an end to every beginning I guess.

I will say that when it comes time for my pets' time to go, that I hope it happens without a struggle; a peaceful ending.  That's what I really have a hard time with- when an owner comes in with a sick pet, does everything they can to help us help them, but to no avail.  Part of it is a financial burden of course- it is awful to spend $2000 trying to get your loved cat or dog back to feeling good without result.  But the emotional toll is worse.  Tonight my shift ended with two such cases.  Right before these two sad endings, I watched a family say good bye to a 12 year old lab with teary eyes.  Tonight I was definitely wiping my own eyes discreetly.

The positive of all of this is that every time I come home from a shift at the hospital, I hug my three babies tightly and am grateful for their good health.  Tinkerbell, Griffin and Faiga won't always be around, and I am going to enjoy every day I get to spend with them.