One day at a time

So many of you know that last week Paul's Grandfather, Ken Cooper, passed away.  Paul received a phone call from his mother early Thursday morning.  He called her back during his break, and then called me at work around 10am.  When I got his voice mail I could tell something was seriously wrong, and I immediately returned his call.  When he told me the news, I dropped.  Literally, in the back room at the hospital.  Shit!!  It's just not fair.  Ken was an amazing man, not just as a husband, father, or grandfather, but someone who just LISTENED when you needed to talk.  He never judged me, or told me what to do, he just sat with me and let me talk when I needed.  He would tell me stories of Paul's mom and siblings growing up, and of he and Paul's grandmother when they were younger.  I cherish those times spent on the back porch, just enjoying each others company. 

                This is one of my favorite family shots with Ken.  That smile is how I will remember him.

Paul and I left work on Thursday and headed up to Fort Collins with kids in tow to be with the Brown family.  There is never a "right" thing to do in these situations, but we wanted to be present to help with whatever needed.  And we knew that Paul's mom would appreciate having her grandchildren around.  If nothing else, our children certainly do know how to brighten someone's day.  Things intensified when Paul's sister called to say that she was having contractions.  Miss Kodi was getting ready to arrive.  So we headed to Jennifer's house.  We spent the day together, hanging out at the apartment, taking the kids to the park, and just showing support for Jennifer.  Her contractions continued into Friday.  I had to head back to Denver to go to work, but was kept updated of the excitement.  Miss Kodi Rahnae was born on August 5th at 5:11pm.  She was 6lbs 15oz and 20 and 3/4" long, with plenty of dark hair. 

On Saturday I returned to Fort Collins to be with the family and meet my niece.  What a treasure!!  Kodi is absolutley beautiful.  And her parents, Zach and JB have lots to be happy about.  Kaedence is going to be a great big sister, I can tell.  Jocey and Ben were pretty excited as well about their new cousin.  Thinking about my own cousins, I feel so grateful that our kids have the chance to be close with their cousins, and have that chance to know them other than through photographs.  This is one of the many reasons Colorado is where we belong.

                                                                  Miss Kodi Rahnae

This past week has been pretty crazy.  Paul and his parents left on Sunday to head to OK for Ken's funeral.  Paul returned last night while I was working a late shift.  I work late again tonight, which means I have had very little time with my husband.  It's all short term though, and that's what matters.  Life will move on, and this week will just be a memory soon. 

In the meantime, I am trying hard to get daycare for Jocey and school for Ben all under control.  Ben's first day is the 22nd.  We have to go get school supplies, and take him shopping for clothes.  Jocey will be attending an in home daycare up the street from Ben's school, and Ben will be doing BASE camp for after school care.  Lots of changes about to happen, but I am feeling like they will be good ones, and certainly pretty exciting for Mister Benjamin. 

That's it for now.... until next time.  Take care!

A change of plans?

Struggling to stay positive....

Haven't heard from the zoo in regards to my most recent application.  What is the deal?  How come they can't realize that I would be a great keeper?  That I AM a great keeper? How many other people are applying, and how are they beating me to the top?  I just had a bit of a breakdown in front of Paul.  I don't think he knows what to tell me.  I know he feels bad- I left Texas not because I was ready, but because he couldn't stand it any longer.  I had an amazing job w/ amazing animals and people working alongside me who believed in the same things as me.  I missed my family, but everyday I left work feeling accomplished and loving what I do. 

Now I work at a vet hospital.  I work up front, dealing w/ people not animals.  Sure, I get to interact w/ cats and dogs, and feel good that I am part of a team that helps them recover from sickness, or prevent it from happening in the future.  And a lot of the people I work w/ are smart, and fun, and really enjoy what they are doing.  Me?  I am in the in between stage.  I used to have a great job, hoping to have it again, but right now just earning a paycheck.  SOMETHING has to give.  And believe me, I am not proud of the self pity I am projecting right now.  But I am ANGRY. 

So what now?  Do I back down, stop applying, give up?  Is it even "giving up", or is it maybe just realizing that I need to adjust my goals?  I'm not sure.  All I know is that I am ready for something more.  And I am tired of being rejected.  I really thought persistence was going to win.  A year later, I am wondering how long I can keep this up without heading a different direction just to keep some sanity. 

Okay, I am stopping the vent now.  If anyone has any thoughts or suggestions, I welcome them.  Even if you want to tell me to suck it up, I would appreciate some outside views....

Daddy Tells Jo a Story

Last night the kids had a friend spend the night.  They were playing downstairs and when I went to check on them, and found Jo putting something small up one of her nostrils.  Looking closely, I realized it was a coffee bean.  Now, obviously my motherly duty compelled me to tell her not to put anything up her nose.  But I knew this wasn't my forte, if you will, so I took Jo's hand and walked her upstairs.  I led her into the office, where Paul was reading his magazine. 
"I would like you to tell your daughter a story," I requested.  "One about putting objects up your nose."
I walked away and let Paul take over.  This is one subject Paul has experience with, and he dealt with it in all seriousness.  He told Jo about his own experience, putting a raisen up his nose when he was about 4 or 5.  Well, the raisen expanded, and Paul ended up in the ER to get it removed.
"It was VERY ouchy," Paul explained.
"VERY?" Jocey asked, uncertain.
"Yes.  You don't EVER want to put anything up your nose, trust me," Paul replied.
Meanwhile, I was in the living room, trying not to giggle.  Don't get me wrong, I realize that it really is a  serious topic, but I was very amused with Paul's story.  If he only knew that when he was a father, his experience would be relayed to another curious little one who was wondering what would happen if this little object goes up my nose...

A hard job?

Some people have asked me how I do my job.  Is it depressing?  Is it hard to watch so many pets die?  How do you do it?  To be honest I am pretty good at looking past the sadness, and realizing that this is a job that needs to be done.  Someone has to be there to help pet owners make the decision to say good bye, and I get to be the one to tie up the loose ends.  Yeah, it sucks sometimes.  Last week I came in and after only an hour I had seen three euthanasias.  Some days are just like that. Other days I get to say hello to energetic puppies with smiling owners that are looking forward to a bright future for their pet. There is an end to every beginning I guess.

I will say that when it comes time for my pets' time to go, that I hope it happens without a struggle; a peaceful ending.  That's what I really have a hard time with- when an owner comes in with a sick pet, does everything they can to help us help them, but to no avail.  Part of it is a financial burden of course- it is awful to spend $2000 trying to get your loved cat or dog back to feeling good without result.  But the emotional toll is worse.  Tonight my shift ended with two such cases.  Right before these two sad endings, I watched a family say good bye to a 12 year old lab with teary eyes.  Tonight I was definitely wiping my own eyes discreetly.

The positive of all of this is that every time I come home from a shift at the hospital, I hug my three babies tightly and am grateful for their good health.  Tinkerbell, Griffin and Faiga won't always be around, and I am going to enjoy every day I get to spend with them. 

Career

Quick update on the career front...

I have been at the veterinary hospital for three months now.  I am finding my groove, and seem to be getting along with most everyone.  I am learning a lot about wellness care for kitties and doggies, and have seen some pretty ugly emergency cases too.  My hours seem to be all over- I work regular day shifts, late shifts, and an early shift here and there. 

While I am grateful for the paycheck, I am hoping that this is not long term.  Not that I dislike my job, but I would be happier at the zoo.  On that front- I have been volunteering as a keeper assistant for awhile now.  My area includes mongoose, dik-dik, porcupine, cranes, bears, coatis and various sheep.  I do some cleaning in the barn and then help with diets.  There isn't any animal contact, though I do get to converse with the mongoose while I am in that barn. 

Denver just recently opened a position for a Large Mammal Keeper.  I have updated my resume and submitted my application.  I contacted my peeps at Cameron Park Zoo, who have agreed to send letters of rec on my behalf.  I am hoping that the keepers I have met so far might say a word to the curator.  They don't know me very well yet, but it certainly wouldn't hurt. 

In the meantime, I will just keep plugging away.  I will go to work with a smile on my face, because my goal is still within reach, and as they say- good things come to those who wait!!

Maggie

Things I admire in others

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/1W3DI1/demandingjoy.com/%253Fp%253D1027

So to ease me back into the blog world again I have decided to revisit "50 lists to write to lift your spirits".  I find that writing lists is almost cleansing.  Makes me feel like I am putting things in order, and sometimes I need that in this busy life of mine.  So...

Things I admire in others:

1. PASSION.  Who are you if you are not passionate about SOMETHING?  I don't care if it's cars or animals or riding a bike or gardening.  I always envy people who believe so strongly in something that they stop at nothing to be a part of it.
2. TOLERANCE.  Sometimes I need to work on this trait more than I'd like to admit.  I am always a little jealous of those who can look past a grievous error and march on as if it never bothered them.  Whether it's their own mistakes or those of others, tolerance and forgiveness are both qualities I really admire.
3. PATIENCE.  Ah, now we have hit the jackpot.  Sometimes I can get so impatient, and while getting upset, I think to myself, "Why the hell am I acting like this?"  I never really noticed how this affects me until I had children.  Those people in my life who exercise patience are constantly reminding me to slow down and I am grateful for that.
4. ARTISTIC ABILITY.  This is one thing I have little of, other than being slightly crafty or learning my way in the kitchen.  I cannot sing (and I fear my kiddos are following in my footsteps, though I won't ever tell them that) or play an instrument.  I have issues drawing stick figures.  I'm not even sure I can finger paint.  When I see an artist in action I feel so blessed to witness the art they can create. Oh yes, artistic talent is something I admire.
5. INNOVATION.  Thinking outside the box, as the old saying goes.  This is one thing that really inspires me when I recognize it in others.  When someone can think of new ideas or new ways of doing something, it is energizing.
6. HUMOR.  I'm not talking about someone who can't survive if others don't think they are funny, but the people that can see the funny in situations and are able to appreciate the humor of life.  Laughter is so important, and is one reason having kids brings so much joy.  Everyday they create situations that cause laughter, and hearing their sweet giggles is irreplaceable. 


 

Heading in the right direction...

I figured I would write a few lines to update those of you who haven't heard about my newest zoo development.  I applied for a "keeper assistant" opening through the volunteer dept at the Denver Zoo a couple of weeks ago. (Yes, I am already a volunteer, but they make you put in an app for this particular activity).  To be clear, this is strictly volunteer hours, not a job.  I was accepted, and placed in the bear, sheep, coati and a few other random animals area.  I will be helping the keepers out on the 1st and 3rd Mondays each month.  This should allow me to meet a few more ppl in the animal care areas, which will prove beneficial I hope.  Thankfully my supervisor at the vet hospital is open to working around these days without a fuss. 
Speaking of the hospital, everything is continuing to work out well so far.  I am really enjoying working with people who have such unconditional love for their pets.  It is rewarding to be a part of a team that provides quality care for these animals.  I am learning the doctors, and who can be pressed for answers, and who is better left alone. (One particular technician seems to hate the world, including everyone who works with them.) 
We are still struggling a bit with daycare.  I am frustrated that the kids are not getting consistent care from the same person.  I am trying really hard to be understanding of our provider and allow her to put her son first in his road to recovery.  However, I have to put MY kids first, and having fill-ins and working around our providers schedule is proving to be a hassle.  I am willing to tough it out though, so long as things calm down before too long. 
Well, Paul finally went to the Dr. to see about his allergies.  This is after he suffered through a solid month of misery.  They didn't do too much for him, other than recommend some OTC items.  However he seems to be better.  On the other hand, I am now dealing with a cold, which of course had to come just in time for Easter!  At any rate, it is spring, and we just got a solid rain.  Things are blooming and I am determined not to let this cold bring me down!!
I hope everyone else is enjoying their spring as well.  Until next post....