Struggling to stay positive....
Haven't heard from the zoo in regards to my most recent application. What is the deal? How come they can't realize that I would be a great keeper? That I AM a great keeper? How many other people are applying, and how are they beating me to the top? I just had a bit of a breakdown in front of Paul. I don't think he knows what to tell me. I know he feels bad- I left Texas not because I was ready, but because he couldn't stand it any longer. I had an amazing job w/ amazing animals and people working alongside me who believed in the same things as me. I missed my family, but everyday I left work feeling accomplished and loving what I do.
Now I work at a vet hospital. I work up front, dealing w/ people not animals. Sure, I get to interact w/ cats and dogs, and feel good that I am part of a team that helps them recover from sickness, or prevent it from happening in the future. And a lot of the people I work w/ are smart, and fun, and really enjoy what they are doing. Me? I am in the in between stage. I used to have a great job, hoping to have it again, but right now just earning a paycheck. SOMETHING has to give. And believe me, I am not proud of the self pity I am projecting right now. But I am ANGRY.
So what now? Do I back down, stop applying, give up? Is it even "giving up", or is it maybe just realizing that I need to adjust my goals? I'm not sure. All I know is that I am ready for something more. And I am tired of being rejected. I really thought persistence was going to win. A year later, I am wondering how long I can keep this up without heading a different direction just to keep some sanity.
Okay, I am stopping the vent now. If anyone has any thoughts or suggestions, I welcome them. Even if you want to tell me to suck it up, I would appreciate some outside views....
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